Recruiting Once More

[Lavender]

"I think of them too," she finds herself saying. "All of them. Everyday." She hated herself for even bringing up the old crew when Lav was clearly still so torn apart by what happened, but she wasn't above using their memory to stir Lav from her stupor. She used them in life, why not use their memory in death as well.

Lav felt their shoulders tremble as they leaned against the wall for support, the tremor coursing down their arm powerfully enough they had to clutch the elbow to hold it steady. Honey.. Lav remembered the first time they had tried the taste. So rich and thick, sticking to any surface it made contact with, and so..so sweet. It was a sensation that should have made their body's auracels pulse with bright, warm lilac. Instead, dull plum pulsed in slow time with their heart as the memory made their stomach sink with guilt. 'Honey words..like poison..'

"I still wonder if the choices I made are the rights ones," she admits, laughing ruefully at the irony of that statement given the last few days. "In fact, I'm almost certain the choices I made were as wrong as they could be, given the circumstances."

She lifts a small trinket from a nearby shelf, examining it idly before placing it back down, the outline of its base now skewed due to the settled dust. "And I never... I never apologized for what I put you through," she continues. "I still don't even know if I have the right to do so. The right to open myself up to even the possibility of forgiveness. Its why I've put off this meeting for as long as I have, but..."

Her eyes settle on Lav once more, an aura of pity and remorse exuding from her. "I think I'm starting to realize that it was never about me. You deserved an apology, regardless of what it would mean for me. I'm sorry for not realizing that sooner, and I'm sorry for what I put you through. All of it."

Their throat choked, collapsed as they pushed off the wall and stumbled toward an elevated counter in what should have been a kitchen. Or would have been, if Lav could find the pieces to make it right.

...And we both let the confession hang between us, the tension finding no release.

The ice-coated bottle set down with a clattering clink as Lav nearly missed the flat surface with the bottom of the container and threatened to completely shatter its contents. Their head hung down low and hidden, though the silence was broken by a deep, sniffling inhale as they reached for one of the crumpled packets mixed amongst the bottles and started to desperately tear it open and retrieve the small capsule locked inside.

They heard the scream again, in their own mind, the dull pulm turning to burnt magenta as the packet refused to open, was thrown down, and Lav grasped the edges of the counter to try and find calm. Centering. Not pain. Not guilt. Not pity.

One of us reveals a scar or injury that the other didn't know about...

"I have not slept, since the gate was closed" Lav managed to hum out, the cels finally settling on a muted, dull mulberry that made their skin almost appear lifeless. "It has not been possible to dream, of anything but dark and cold. And voices calling in the dark"

Turning to finally face her, Lav stared unfocused over the Captain's shoulder, staring at the now misplaced betting chip they had kept from the time Xi'asz had tried to teach them about gambling and given up when he realized Lav's abilities made it almost impossible to bluff.

"Do you still dream, Captain Kyeera Hastur? Do the others still sleep?" they asked, genuine curiosity seeming to mix a new cynicism that sounded so wrong coming from a voice normally so kind and gentle.

[Kyeera Hastur]

...And we both sit in the quiet for a moment, before finally facing the past.

The captain stares ahead, avoiding letting her eyes settle on Lav. Or on the pill. Or on the bottle. Or on anything. She saw too much of herself in Lav, at this moment. Frankly, if Tik had not been by her side all this time, she could easily have seen herself falling into this same slump. But Lav had no support. Had no one for all this time...

"I can't fix it," she admits, steeling herself and doing her best to keep the edge out guilt out of her words. "None of it. None of the past. Its done, and we all have to live with the consequences. The sacrifices we made... I have to make sure it was all worth it."

Finally, her eyes settle on Lav. "It's back. That monster from the other side. Its back and already it haunts me, in the waking world and in my dreams." Her voice drops to a husky whisper, as if telling Lav this pained her. "I refuse to let the memories of our comrades be tainted by its return. I intend to silence it. Forever."

"And I want your help. With your help, maybe neither of us will ever hear that voice tickle at the back of our minds again."

What do you still love about me?

[Lavender]

Lav leaned against the edge of the counter waiting, their body stretched as they tried to will muscles back into numb relaxation. What they were waiting for, they did not know. The willful part of them wanted to finally scream, lash out, throw a bottle at the Captain's skull. Kick, claw, scrape, find their pistol and aim it at their head until they left Lav alone in the dark.

Their eyes stayed unfocused, sheer will keeping them steady through it all, save for their teeth chattering behind their lips.

"We have all made sacrifices." they said in a breathy hum, their chin furrowing as they stared down at the glove covering the Captain's hand. What was Lav's sacrifice compared to all those others?

Finally, her eyes settle on Lav. "It's back. That monster from the other side. Its back and already it haunts me, in the waking world and in my dreams." Her voice drops to a husky whisper, as if telling Lav this pained her. "I refuse to let the memories of our comrades be tainted by its return. I intend to silence it. Forever."

"And I want your help. With your help, maybe neither of us will ever hear that voice tickle at the back of our minds again."

Crimson violet danced across their skin in an uneven tone. On another humanoid body, the coloring may have been mistaken for flush, for embarrassment or blushing excitement. On Lav's skin, the erratic pulsing conveyed a different meaning, accentuated by a cold shiver that ran up their spine harsh enough they folded their arms around their waist, hugging themself.

Panic.
'They had heard it too.'

But the Captain had a plan. She had a plan to stop it. She had a plan to silence it. The captain had a calculating mind that could see ahead in the game and she knew what had to be done. She had hope, or will enough to determine her own outcome. She had a plan, and they were to be part of it. They would finally end it. They would finally have silence.

'Forever..'

Forever sounded nice.

"I would like, for this to end" they replied, skin calming to a muted lavender grey bereft of sharpness. For a moment, the softest of smiles crested on their face, the gentle pull of someone reaching for happiness only betrayed by the empty pain still deeply set in their eyes.

What faded hope do you see in me?

[Kyeera Hastur]

The captain's cold heart ached seeing the pain in Lav's eyes. But she was glad to see just the barest glimmer of hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, all of the suffering would be over soon. One way or another.

"Then we will end it," she promises. "On our terms."

[Lavender]

A pregnant pause hangs over them, threatening to strengthen the already oppressive atmosphere of the neglected domicile. Lav kept their eyes down, not willing or wanting to look back at the Captain again for fear that it would say too much.

Instead, Lav chewed and sucked on their lips through that moment. Thinking. She could back out. The Captain hadn't made a command. Hadn't pressed her will upon them to try and demand compliance. She had hardly even asked.

'She has made a promise.'

They nodded their head, then shuffled their way past the Captain and to their room to pack what things they thought they might need to achieve that goal.

[Kyeera Hastur]

Kyeera watches Lav leave to grab their things, glad to see them, not necessarily excited, but ready to take on the challenges ahead. She hoped, more than she had hoped for any of the others, that this mission brought closure.